Dress: Miss Selfridge; Shoes: NINE WEST

Hey guys. I hope your week went well.

Mine’s not that good bandang middle of the week. Last Wednesday and Thursday, grabe my panic attacks that came from nowhere! My palpitations usually happen in the morning when I wake up and right before 9am. Consistent yan. However, itong Wednesday and Thursday, ang wild nung attacks! It was so bad that nung Wednesday morning, while waiting for my classes to start, I had to call Alvin from inside the car. I felt hindi ko na talaga kaya. I was crying and panicking for no reason at all. Alvin told me to calm down and go na to the class and makipagchismisan na lang daw ako sa mga classmates ko. Inayos ko yung fez ko and went inside our classroom. True enough, naging okay naman ako ng slight.

When I went home nung Wednesday night, Alvin told me that he went to his mom’s house to talk to her about me. I knew nagworry si Alvin ng wagas kasi he doesn’t do that usually. Alvin also told me that he talked to Fr. Ariel (his friend and the priest who married us) about me. When I learned that, I knew worried na worried nga ang Sombrero. Nagpunta na sa pari eh. I also learned that my mother-in-law consulted with a doctor to ask what I can do to ease my attacks.

According to the doctor (hindi ko na papangalanan pero sikat siya), I should try to see daw a psychologist.

I said, okay. Hanap ako ng psychologist. I have not tried that yet.

Then low and behold, last Wednesday, my professor for my first class in our Middle Manager Development Program was Dr. Cynthia Gavino, PhD. She’s a clinical psychologist. She’s a lecturer and assistant professor of Family Ministries and Pastoral Counseling at the Loyola School of Theology in Ateneo. She’s also a senior family counselor of the Center of Family Ministries.

Pero para sa akin, isa siyang hulog ng langit from God.

For two days, we discussed about ourselves. It was all about getting to know who we are. Grabe ang kinalma ko after that. I love Dra. Gavino. She’s so good at explaining everything. Partida, hindi pa ako nagcoconsult sa kanya. I was just a student in her class pero I was amazed how she was able to explain to us bakit tayo ganito, san nahugot mga ugali natin etc etc.

Nung Thursday night, after boxing, I was crying all the way home while driving. I was so sad. Sabi ko bakit ba parang forever na yata akong ganito. Ayaw ko. I went to the Adoration Chapel to pray. Hindi naman ako masyado nagtagal kasi umaalingaw-ngaw yung singhot ng sipon ko. Nahiya ako dun sa dalawang nagdadasal so I went home. Pagdating ko sa house, nandun si Janis with our other childhood friend. May lakad siya pero dumaan muna sa house to hug me. I’m really grateful I have friends like her. Alvin told me to check out na the psychologist.

At the end of the two day class (dun sa subject namin with her), Dra. Gavino told us about the Center for Family Ministries. They do daw counseling. Perfect. Yung lang, ang layo ng Ateneo. Yesterday, I called them. Bakasakali ba, ganun. I was super happy to know that they have CeFAM also at Don Bosco in Makati! Magpapaschedule ako!

I have an officemate. I was telling him about the psychologist. Sabi niya para san. Sabi ko counseling. Sabi niya bakit daw hindi sa friends and sa family. Sabi ko naman, maganda pagnakakausap mo yung family and friends mo. Okay yun. Pero hindi naman masama kung isupplement with a psychologist kasi (1) they have a technical and scientific know-how for it and (2) maganda din yung may point of view ng ibang tao.

Di ba?

Of course, prayers prayers prayers.

Anyway, okay naman ako guys in some days. Meron lang talaga tayong tinatawag na bad days and I think that is fine. I just have to learn how to deal with it. I have to understand it. Keribelles mga bakla, do not worry about me. But super thank you for the daily messages. I really appreciate them.

Osha, I’ll tell you all about it pagnaka-punta na ako.

Good night guys!

Last Friday, my throat was sobrang painful. Ang wild. I told myself magkaka-sipon ako. I stopped kasi the 1000 mg vitamin C that I was drinking eh. Anika and Alvin had severe colds pero hindi ako nahawa because of the vitamin C, I think. Wala na silang colds so I kinda stopped drinking it for three days. My mother in law told  mali daw yun. Wag daw itigil agad agad kasi babagsak resistensya. Kaya pala yesterday, I woke up with a still very painful throat and a clogged nose.

Yeah, pati pala vitamin C kailangan i-withdraw ng maayos.

Anyway, I drank Decolgen and met my blog readers in Bliss Bowls. Ang ngongo ko and my head felt like it was floating. Nairaos ko naman ang Mommy Fleur x Bliss Bowls 2018.

When I got home, my slight fever na ako. I drank Tempra and took a nap. When I woke up, bumaba ng slight ang fever ko pero ngongo pa din. I asked Alvin if my MIL can find a driver and two more kasama because Alvin and I can’t go to the concert anymore. Manonood kami ng #PaMore concert.

Stressed na stressed MIL ko because she couldn’t find a last minute driver and kasama.

I checked my temperature again, 37.4 degree Celsius. My MIL told me wala daw lagnat yun. I was feeling okay naman despite parang kamatis na yung ilong ko. So gumora na kami with them to the concert.

I put on the most comfortable and decent outfit I can find.

I love that I was able to go out with Alvin even if we were with my MIL and his two titas. Extra sweet kami ni Alvin nowadays. Ang clingy ko kasi plus he’s making extra effort talaga. Sana lagi kami ganito. Kilig. Hahaha!

You know, I learned something. Si Janis din ang nagpoint out. Treat people as how you want to be treated. Meaning, mauna ka na maging sweet if you want to get sweetness. Totoo yun. Try niyo, go. Ako na lang ang nagiintiate lagi maglambing. Tapos, nagiging natural na. Then because of my anxiety, I learned to let go of menial things. Hindi ko na pinapansin or pinapalaki.

Like for example nagpapicture ako ng back shot last night so I can send to my cousin in law who sent me my new fab Kate Spade bag.

Kita niyo ba ang bag?

Hahahahaha!

I let it pass. Nilambing ko na lang ng, “Kitang kita ang bag ah!”. Hehehe.

Anyway, si Regine Velasquez, Ogie Alcacid, Martin Nievera and Eric Santos ang nasa #PaMore concert. It said in the tickets that the the show will start at 8pm. Sobrang traffic nga lang going to MOA Area. We ate around 8pm at Mary Grace then went inside the arena at 830pm. The show started around 9pm.

It was so sulit. The concert lasted until around 11:30 pm. Ang tagal! More than 2 hours! Ito ang mga shows na pwede mag-invest ng patron seat. Plus the fact na icons silang lahat. And magagaling talaga.

Looking forward to more concerts!

Top: UNIQLO; Pants: AMERICAN EAGLE OUTFITTERS

One of my adviceS to you regarding fashion is that if one item of clothing fits you well, buy them in all colors.

Yun lang, bow.

Lelz. But very true.

Hindi naman yan ang topic ko for today. What I really want to talk about is how challenging it is now to raise kids.

Tingnan niyo before ha?

When we were kids, when we did something wrong, papadapain kami then papaluin ng sinturon sa pwet. It doesn’t really hurt that much pero the anticipation of the belt hitting my buttocks is wild. I remember I was around 5 years old yata yun. We were told not to play on top of the sofa. Naglaro pa din kami ni Toots. Toots was like 3 nun ata or 4 years old. He was chasing me while balancing ourselves sa wooded arms ng sofa. Eh aabutan na niya ako. Sa excitement ko, naitulak ko siya! He fell hitting his chin on the wooden arms ng sofa. He cried. I went to him to tell him not to cry otherwise we were deadz. Paghipo ko sa chin niya, ang daming blood! There was a gaping wound on his chin which had to be stitched up. I was so deadz. True enough, when Lolo Papa went home, we went straight to the bedroom and pinalo ko sa pwet ng sinturon.

Hindi na ako umulit ng dangerous games after that. I became super mindful where we were playing. In short, natuto ako.

I remember pinaluhod ni Wowa one of my brothers sa asin because he pulled down all the naka-sampay na newly laundered blankets and pinagtatapakan. Wala, trip lang niya.

Try mong gawin sa mga bata ngayon yan. I did corporal punishment to Anika until she was only 3 years old. Nothing heavy. Pinapalo ko sa pwet. I see na natututo naman. Pero now na she’s older, hindi ko na napapalo. Kailangan daanin sa usap. Bakit? Ganun daw eh sabi sa mga “How To Raise Happy Kids” articles online.

Before, if you did something wrong, silent war ang game sa bahay. The parents will not mind the kids until magmakaawa ka na pansinin ka ng magulang mo. I don’t do that to Anika. May psychological effect daw sa bata.

Nagugulumihana ako sa “How To Raise Your Kids” articles ngayon. Ako lang ba or kayo din? You cannot be very strict kasi baka magsuppress ng feelings tapos magsuicide. You cannot be very maluwag naman baka maparaya.

Nakakaloka.

Wala kasing manual that came with them nung nilabas ko sa tiyan ko eh.

What I do is I combine the what I think good ways how we were raised with the things I read online with my gut instincts. Nanay ako eh. I am supposed to know what is best for my daughter. Kino-combine ko din with prayers.

I also stopped comparing myself with Anika. Nung bata kasi ako, I had really high grades. Walang tutor yan ha. Now, Anika’s bringing home lower than her normal grades. May tutor siya partida. I wanted to get mad kasi I know she can do better pero TV and play lang ng play. Reklamo ng reklamo when studying. But no.. I held myself back. Inaawat ko din si Alvin kasi kinagagalitan. Pero nung araw, Diyosme, papagalitan ka talaga ni Wowa. Her threat was no more volleyball and no more boyfriend pag I had a grade below 85. Mahirap yun nung high school ha pero nagsumikap ako kasi I wanted to play volleyball badly. Yung boyfriend, kebs. Lelz! Pero basta I bring home lower than the normal grades I have, galit na yan si Wowa.

So eto na. Last Mastery Test week, when Anika brought home her test papers, almost all more than 5 mistakes! Ka-stress! This quarter kasi the teachers don’t read na the test papers to them. Sila na bahala eh ang hina ni Anika magbasa =c She knew all the answers but she had a hard time reading. Pagsasabihan ko sana na instead na maglaro ng maglaro, magpractice siya magbasa. Eh she handed me her CLE test paper. Her teacher wrote “Honest kid!” in front.

ME: Why did teacher put Honest Kid in your test paper?

ANIKA: Because there were 3 items that I got wrong but she checked it. I told her that she made a mistake checking my paper. She told me I was honest.

Listening to her, I saw na parang wala lang sa kanya. She’s not bragging that she did it. Wala, normal.

Sumaya na ako dun. I felt we are raising her right. I’d rather have her honest and kind. Character is more important than anything. Pero that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t study harder ha. Pero I am happy Anika is honest. Tuwang tuwa ako. I can also see she’s growing up to be kind. Pinasasalamat ko yun kay God.

Mahirap magpalaki ng kids is an understatement. Maloloka ka. Malamang ganito din kayo, ano? =)

Top: SHOP.MYKA.LIMCHOC; Pants: UNIQLO; Shoes: NINE WEST

I know I’ve said this already but I really like the my Myka tops. They’re comfortable and fashionable at the same time.

The title of this post is Brain Vomit because that is exactly I’d like to do now. Bear with me, mga ateng at ang dami kong feelings today.

I know I am a Type A alpha woman. I want control over anything. I exercise control in almost everything that I want. I get what I want most probably because I only want what I know I can get. Gusto ko maayos lahat. Efficient. Ayaw ko ng nasasayang ang oras. I want everything fixed. If something is wrong, I find solutions to it and fix it. Immediately.

This poses a problem with this condition that I have now.

Alvin, Janis, my other friends, my psychiatrist and psychologist have told me this. I should stop being impatient about getting well and I should stop meddling with my medicines. I should trust the process.

Yesterday, I went to see my psychiatrist and he wanted to give me anti-depressants. When I asked why, he said that for three months since I first went to him, erratic pa din daw ako. Dapat daw medyo consistent na ako meaning less anxiety attacks. I told him I didn’t want to take those anti-depressants. I cried. Ayoko talaga. I don’t like the feeling after taking it. The doctor agreed not to give me mainly because the medicine will not take effect primary because of my resistance to it.

I know myself and I believe that I don’t need it.

I am grateful my doctor respects me and did not insist on it. He just told me that I should stop meddling with the anti anxiety meds doses.

Sa sobrang atat ko umayos, binibilisan ko ang pag-cut down ko ng meds. And then I get frustrated and anxious pagnagka-adverse effect because hindi tama ang dose.

I should trust the process.

It doesn’t help that I have GERD and phlegm now. Nakakadagdag pa yun. Sabi ko nga, kung tao lang tong sakit ko, nabugbog ko na siguro ito sa sobrang pikon ko.

Anyway, I promised my doctor I will follow his dosage and the process. I shall take it one day at a time.

So now I take the pills again twice a day. Ulitan. I get so sleepy after drinking it in the morning. Like kanina, I was so sleepy in class. Exage na sleepy-ness ha yung tipong parang tutumba ka na sa antok while reciting. I went to the toilets and went inside one of the stalls. I put down the toilet seat cover and sat on it. I closed my eyes. Nakakatulog ako ha? Nagigising lang ako because nalalaglag head ko because I was in an upright position. I tried that for 10 minutes and eventually gave up. Mahirap matulog ng nakaupo.

Kaloka. Hahahahaha!

I am thankful for all the support that is coming in. Thank you for the constant messages from all of you. Malaking tulong and comfort you. Alvin is always there for me too. Matiyaga siya. My friends are with me in this journey also. My staff has been understanding and helpful. Peachy gave me a statue of Mary Mother of Knots. Lucy Torres and Chuvaness lang ang peg namin, lelz. My dad messaged me to tell me to get a hold of an American bible. He gave me bible verses to read everyday.

I was apprehensive about reading the Bible at first. I don’t read the Bible. Hindi ko kasi siya nage-gets. Pero since my dad suggested it, I tried it. Nagpalpitate ako ng slight because I read there that hindi daw tutulungan ni God ang mga makasalanan. ‘Nyeta, paano na ako? I’m no saint! But oo nga we shouldn’t take it literally so I need a  little help with that. Anyway, gumaan naman loob ko after reading it. I read it twice a day.

So there, trust the process. It’s my mantra now. I say that in my mind repeatedly especially in the morning when the anxiety is extra hard for me. Ride it out. Isang year talaga ang gamutan as what I have experienced before and as what the anxiety disorder survivors said. Accept that I have this and believe that I will surpass it.

My concern is that I don’t like Anika to be aware of what I have. She’s too young to understand. One time, tinesting ko nga.

ME: Anika, do you think Nanay is happy?

ANIKA: Yes, of course!

ME: Why do you say that?

ANIKA: We have fun always. You tell me funny stories about when you were a kid before sleeping. We laugh. O, di ba, happy ka?

I thank God for that.

Hi guys! I am feeling a lot better since yesterday. I’m getting used to na sa new dosage so hindi na ako natulog sa banyo sa class kahapon.

Today, I went to Healthway to have my ECG test and the thyroid test done. Maaga ako so that hindi pa ganun ka daming tao. Pupungas pungas pa ako because hindi namin tinigilan ni Alvin the TV series na Star Trek Discover in Netflix last night. We slept na past 1 am!

Oh before I forget, I wanna make a special shoutout to Mrs. Reena Perez! =) Hi, Reena! She’s the wife of one of my college classmates in La Salle. Thank you so much for reading my blog! They’re from Canada sooooooo kamusta naman ang snow diyan ngayon?! Grabe! Alvin’s relatives in Mississauga said exage daw yung snow dun! Negative 24 na daw ang temperature. Malamang when you sneeze, parang bullets na yung sipon mo coming from you when they go out. Freeze agad! Brrrrrrrr!

Anyway, so yun na nga, Healthway will email me by tomorrow daw the results. Please pray with me that everything will be fine =)

After Healthway, we went to Coco Grace Salon at The Link in Makati to have a haircut. Sadly, Mother Rexcie is fully booked. Good thing Tata was there. Before Rexcie, it was Tata who was cutting my hair back when I was in 2nd year high school. Then nung college ata, si Rexcie na.

I asked permission from Rexcie if okay lang si Tata na lang ang maghair cut sa amin mag-ina. Ang next free Saturday ko kasi is end of May pa!

Alvin was such a sport waiting for us. He had so much fun!

Hahahaha!

Here’s Tata cutting Anika’s hair. Alvin wanted it to be as short as mine kaso umiyak ang Anika. Gusto niyo pwede pa din Jojo Siwa ang hair daw niya.

I just had my hair trimmed para gumaan gaan ang hitsura ko ng slight. I asked Alvin to take my after haircut photos. Naka-64 shots siya, wala akong makitang magandang kuha ko! Imagine, 64 shots!!!! Yung iba kita bra strap ko. Yung ibang photos ang taba ko. Yung ibang photos mukha akong unano. Kung hindi ka ba naman talaga mainis, amp. Paano, click lang ng click!

ME: Babe, ayusin mo naman! Ang pangit ko eh!

ALVIN: Ano magagawa ko?!

I gave him a murderous look.  Tragis yan, hindi kasi gamitan man lang ng effort or ng art or use the light to my advantage. Si Korina Sanchez nga naiba hitsura niya dun sa Belo billboard niya, bakit ako hindi makunan ng maayos ng asawa ko?!

So ayan tuloy, halos mabura na ilong ko sa kaka-edit para lang umayos ang skin.

Thank you Dainty Republic Ph for my nice earrings! Check them out at IG @daintyrepublicph.

Here’s what I wore. Again, yan na ang best shot. Blurred. Sarap sakalin talaga.

Top: UNIQLO; Shorts: STRADIVARIUS; Shoes: ALDO; Bag: MICHAEL KORS

We went to Tim Ho Wan to have lunch and meet up with Faye and Isabel.

Ang lakas talaga maka-good vibes sa sobrang cuteness etong batang ito!

We went home and after napping, the crew of Mike Gamez arrived to clean our sofa and the lazy boy kuno ni Alvin.

They are very efficient.

Siguro if my sofa and reclining chair can talk, tuwang tuwa siguro sila. Never ko sila napa-thorough clean ng ganyan eh!

They shampooed and deep cleaned the sofa and reclining chair. It took them around 2 and a half hours. Here’s the dirt that they got sa first round of vaccumming.

Yuck talaga.

I am very happy I have friends like Kris, Tin (Manila Fashion Observer) and Michelle (My Mom-Friday) na OC sa cleanliness sa bahay. I saw Mike cleaning their beds, sofas and curtains kaya I got curious so I tried it.

I highly recommend them.

They can shampoo and deep clean your bed mattresses, sofa set, couches, dining chairs, office chairs, carpets and Lazy Boys.

You can also rent or buy Gruenheim cleaning appliances from him =)

And because sharing is caring, here are Mike Gamez’s details:

Website: http://mikegamez.com/
Instagram: @mikegamez_atyourservice
Facebook: @mike.gamez.587

Osha, I am going to look for a resort where we can stay for the Holy Week weekend. Lahat fully booked na kasi eh. Though, I’m not sure naman if I want to stay at home lang or bumiyahe. Anyway, baboosh. Have a great weekend guys!

The last long weekend (the other week), Alvin, Anika and I went to Matabungkay Beach Resort.

When I was looking for a beach to go to, almost all resorts were fully booked. Yan kasi si Alvin, he told me na go with the flow lang daw. I should stop being uptight about everything including schedules. Kaya daw ako nag-aanxiety. Hindi talaga pwede sa akin yung ganun. I need to plan everything in advance because I get terribly pissed if nahahassle ako.

Anyway, since I postponed looking for a place to go, wala na availability dun sa mga usual beaches where we usually book.

And then I stumbled across Matabungkay Beach Resort. Binook ko na agad siya basing on my recall of how it looked like before. When I called them to reconfirm, I asked the girl on the other line if well maintained ba nila yung resort. I can’t help to be nervous about it because 10 years old pa lang ako, Matabungkay Beach Resort na yan. Malay ko ba if dilapidated na siya.

The girl naman assured me that okay pa din sila. They underwent renovations daw.

So from Tagaytay,

Top: FROM DIVISORIA; Shorts: F&H; Shoes: ALDO; Bag: KATE SPADE (thanks Ate Eileen for it!)

.. we drove for another hour and a half to Lian, Batangas to the resort.

I am happy to report that the resort is well maintained. The staff were courteous.

Except for the bathroom (the shower handle was already falling off), the rooms were surprisingly okay for a 30 year old resort.

We arrived at the resort around 530 pm. Alvin wanted to lie down on the bed. Anika wanted to swim. And I wanted to have my OOTD photos taken. The girls won so Alvin had no choice but to go with us. Natuwa naman siya because he saw his idol, Asiong Salonga (character) who is now a governor of Laguna.

Pogi pa din siya. His face was well preserved. Mukhang bata. And he was nice because I saw that he was busy but he agreed agad for photos.

We went to stroll in the beach after. It was low tide pero wild yung pagka-low tide. You can walk towards the sea. Malayong malayo ka na and yet until knees pa din lang ang water. Yun ata ang hindi lang okay in this resort. Mababaw masyado yung water.

But OMG, the sunset was beautiful.

Anika swam in the kiddie pool (the resort had three pools) then after we prepared for dinner by the beach. I got kasi their Valentine’s Day package. It includes a room stay, free dinner by the beach  and flowers, bears and chocolates.

For dinner, they made us choose at the front desk ano orders namin from the selection. The food was great. Sarap na sarap ako. Again, I was surprised because hindi ko ineexpect na masarap ang food. Yun lang, hindi na namin inulit yung dinner by the beach because the service was sooooo slow. Awang awa ako dun sa waiter namin because he had to transport the food from the restaurant to where we were. Ang layo layo kaya nun. Sa sobrang bagal nila, we didn’t wait anymore for the dessert. Anika was so tired and sleepy already. They just brought it to our room.

The next day, Anika and I woke up early to go out. Atat kasi kami. Nilibot namin yung resort which was big.

Mega low tide. I wish I brought jogging attire. Masarap siguro tumakbo dito.

We woke Alvin up so we can have breakfast. Buffet was at 350+ a head and food was masarap. After eating, we rented a balsa (Php 1200 for the whole day) and stayed there from 9am to 3pm. We pre-ordered lunch and it was brought to the balsa at 12 noon.

A balsa is like a floating raft. Ours had a table, bench, a roof and a small room.

Alvin and Anika went fishing while I did OOTD pictorial using the timer of my camera. Kanya kanyang trip yan.

After a while, Anika was able to catch a fish! Grabe! Alvin and I were more excited than she was!!!

We let the fish go so technically, Anika saved a life.

Siguro sa exhilaration niya that she caught a fish, Anika was more determined than ever to catch one again. As in from 9am to 3pm, try siya ng try magfish. She knows how to put bait and she knows how to cast the fishing line to the sea. Galing. Ang tiyaga.

Sunog na sunog ang Alvin and Anika.

Ako? I just stayed in the chair under the roof away from the sun and read a book. Nahirapan lang ako because I poop and pee a lot so I had to go back and forth to the beach a couple of times. Nakikiride ako sa mga dumadaan na paddle boats. Lelz.

In between their fishing, they also swam, snorkeled and did jet ski (Php 2,000 for 30 minutes). Nagkatawaran pa nga daw sa jetski.

ALVIN: Kuya Php 1,000 na lang

KUYA JETSKI: Hindi po pwede sir. Pagagalitan kami ng may-ari eh.

ANIKA: Sige na kuya, 1,000 na lang.

KUYA JETSKI: Sorry pero hindi talaga pwede.

ANIKA (to Alvin): Sige na Babe, 2,000 na lang. Bayaran kita sa bahay.

Hanep.

It was Anika’s first time to do jetski kaya tuwang tuwa talaga siya.

ME (to Alvin): Grabe, ang mahal ng jetski.

ALVIN: Okay na yan. At least ako ang kasama niya sa unang jetski niya, hindi ibang lalaki.

Hanep again. May ganun?

So where was I when all these were happening? I was asleep in the balsa. Hahaha!

ANIKA: Nanay, ikaw lang talaga ang walang ginawa dito!

Meron noh! I rented a paddle boat. It’s like a surf board and they give you a paddle. Relax relax lang ang peg. I sat down on it and paddled just near where the balsa was. However, before I knew it, I was already so far away from them! As in malayong malayo! The more I paddled, the more ako lumalayo sa kanila until they looked so tiny to me na! That was how far I was!

ME: Babe! Babe! I can’t go back!

I was so fucking scared. Kung wala lang si Anika siguro dun, nagwala na ako sa takot! I was out at sea na! Malayong malayo promise! I was so scared baka si Jaws ay nandun! I was looking out for a shark’s fin. Alvin had to ask a boatman to fetch me. They pulled me back to the balsa. Malakas daw yung alon towards sa ocean sabi nung boatman.

Tinigilan ko nga yung paddle boat na yan, leche.

Ang dami kong sermon inabot from Anika. I should have not rented it daw kasi hindi naman pala ako marunong. What if daw wala sila ng tatay niya. What if daw walang boat to rescue me. I should have paddled daw towards them not away from them.

Grabe. Sermon levelz. May matching pamewang pa yan.

We went back to the room around 4pm after Anika swam in the kiddie pool and after eating halo halo. Hindi masarap yung halo halo.

After bathing, we walked again on the beach to catch the sunset.

The golden hour lighting was awesome.

Wish ko lang may nagpipicture din sa akin, ano?!

We asked to have our dinner served at the restaurant instead by the beach. Ito dinner namin.

Nyar, hindi ko pala napicturan lahat. Apart from the dessert (which tasted normal), the main dishes were delicious. You should try their bbq ribs. Napaka-sarap.

We went back to our room after dinner. Anika was borlogs at 7pm. Napagod.

Over-all, our experience at Matabungkay Beach Resort was nice. I would rate it at 8 out of 10. Sablay lang talaga the beach kasi super low tide all the time. But I recommend it for families. Hindi din ganun ka-mahal ang rates so recommendable talaga.

Matabungkay Beach Hotel
Website: http://www.matabungkaybeachhotel.com
Contact number: (63) 917-834-1269
Manila office: (02) 819-3080

Top: UNIQLO; Pants: AMERICAN EAGLE OUTFITTERS; Shoes: ALDO; Cover Up: MISS SELFRIDGE; Bag: MICHAEL KORS

Ganda ng bathrobe cover up ko, ano? I love it because I got it on sale. More than 50% off ata at Miss Selfridge. I have not shopped in a while though. I’m busy getting well and I’m not complaining. My agreement with myself is that I will shop AFTER I have sold my pre-loved clothes. That will take a while hahahaha! Baka this coming super long weekend sa end of March. I shall make time for it.

Anyway, I have realizations these past few weeks.

My faith pala isn’t that strong. It’s not zero naman because I pray to God whenever there’s something that’s bothering me. I know and believe that there is a God. Pero I realized that it’s not that strong because hindi ko magawa yung sinasabi nila sa akin na to completely trust Him that I will get better.

Lemme explain, mga mare.

I think it has something to do with me having trust issues brought about the events na mga pinagdaanan ko in my life. I do not trust that I can completely rely on people. I have so many disappointments and have experienced betrayals in my life which caused me to be like this. Parang ilap ako lagi na iniisip ko I cannot fully depend on somebody kasi iiwan din niya ako.

I don’t want to make kalkal the feelings here anymore why I’m like that. Let’s leave it to my psychologist but I think dun galing lahat ng walls ko. Naging ganun din tuloy ako kay God. Hindi ako makatrust fully.

Now ko lang narealize lahat yan kasi may pinagdadaanan ako. I feel that my faith is not that strong because I am having a hard time fully trusting that God will heal me. Yun daw dapat kasi ang paniwalaan ko eh: that God will heal me and everything will eventually be okay in His time.

Feeling ko kasi busy si God and there are more people who have worse problems than mine. So I’m thinking baka dapat unahin Niya na sila kaya I do not rely on Him that much especially during hard times.

I don’t know if I am making sense to you pero mali daw yung ganung thinking.

Good thing I started reading the Bible. I don’t read the Bible before because I don’t get it. Hindi ko makita ang sense ng mga stories there. Ang deep. And if niliteral mo, nakakatakot. In short, I can’t understand it.

But when I started reading the book, The Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Mayer, it said there “The mind wants to understand everything -the why, the when and the how of it all. When that understanding is not given by God, the mind refuses to believe what it cannot understand.”

Hindi ko magets so my mind does not want to believe.

But I want to understand.

So when my dad told me to read the Bible, I read it because (1) I want to understand it and (2) I was feeling really horrible that I would have done anything para umayos lang ako.

Eto na kwento ko. I had a lot of questions nga about God di ba? One time when I was in the Adoration Chapel (I was alone), I was conversing with God. Past time ko yan ngayon. Adoration chapel tapos kausap lang si God. I was asking Him to please help me have more faith in Him. I told Him I was having a hard time because, of course, primarily yung fact that hindi ko Siya makita. Nasan ba kako Siya? I want to feel that He is there.

Tapos biglang may nagsalita na lalaki.

“I am here. Jesus is here.”

‘Nyeta mga bakla, kinilabutan ako! I was torn between crying and bolting out of there kasi baka multo!

I realized that there was this person preaching in a crowd inside our church. Voice niya pala yung narinig ko.

Pero what a coincidence di ba?!

Eto pa.

Alvin told me that whenever he has a problem, he would get his Bible and open it in the middle (or anywhere: start, middle or end) then the story that he will read there will greatly help him in whatever it is na bumabagabag sa kanya. So one time in the Adoration Chapel, I tried that. I got a Bible. I asked God, “How can I fully trust You”. I opened the Bible. Ito yung verse: John 6:25-59 but here are the lines na sumapol talaga:

So they asked him, “What can we do in order to do what God wants us to do?”. Jesus answered, “What God wants you to do is to believe in the one he sent.”.

For what my Father wants is that all who see the Son and believe in him should have eternal life.

What gives life is God’s Spirit; human power is of no use at all. The words I have spoken to you bring God’s life-giving Spirit. Yet some of you do not believe.

Amazing di ba?

Ito last na. I was in the Adoration Chapel again. Sabi ko kasi baka chamba lang yung last time so I asked God to convey to me through the Bible ano ba ang gusto Niyang sabihin sa akin. I opened the Bible and ito yung verse:
John 12:44-46

Jesus said in a loud voice, “Whoever believes in me believes not only in me but also in him who sent me. Whoever sees me sees also him who sent me. I have come into the world as light, so that everyone who believes in me should not remain in the darkness.

Malupet, guys.

Amazing.

I’m telling you guys, get a hold of a Bible and start reading it. Kaya pala madaming nagbabasa ng Bible after waking up and before sleeping. Madami siyang nasasagot and God is able to converse with you there. Since I started reading the Bible, gumaan pakiramdam ko. Parang more peaceful siya. Plus yung trust ko that He will make me better, tumaas talaga ang rating.

Try it, wala naman mawawala. Isipin niyo lang ako. Ako si matanong about everything but I found peace.

Top: UNIQLO; Pants: STRADIVARIUS; Shoes: CMG; Necklace: PIESA.PH

One of the best finds for this year is definitely these black and white striped pants from Stradivarius. I got it for only Php 999. Parang 50% off yata siya. The material is very soft so pwede ka nang dumirecho sa bed from the office because it can double as your pajama too. Joke. #ActuallyHindiTalagaJokeYun

Anyway mommies, when did you start giving your kids monetary allowances?

Ako, I remember having when I was in Grade 3. My allowance was Php 5. Yiz, five pesos ang allowance ko kasi ang galante ni Lolo Papa and ni Wowa. Hahahaha! Pero wag ka, ubos na yang allowance ko even before my school bus picks me up at home. My school bus picks me up kasi around 1030 am. Our classes start at past 12 noon. So while waiting for the bus, I would go to the sari sari store, two houses away. I will buy one Mr. Chips and one 5 oz Coke. Tig- Php 2.50 lang yun. Busog na ako!

When I started 5th grade, my allowance became Php 50 per day. Nung tumungtong na ako ng first year High School, Wowa increased my allowance to Php 100.

Yan na yun. 100 pesos na ang allowance ko until I finished my Civil Engineering course in La Salle, seven years after that.

WALA MAN LANG INCREASE!

Hahahaha!

But I was able to get by. I was able to save while I was in college because I go home every lunch break. Tipid di ba? Hatid sundo din ako ng boyfriend ko (our house was literally on the way to DLSU) so wala akong commuting expenses.

Now, Anika’s in Grade 2 and yes, I give her 50 pesos for her daily allowance.

I teach her to save money. Sabi ko dapat everyday may nase-save siya. The money that she will save, she can buy whatever with it at the end of the week. Ang problema, whenever I ask her when she gets home, ubos na daw allowance niya.

ME: Anak, two weeks na wala ka pa din savings. Bakit ba wala ka lagi natitipid?! Ang gastos mo!

ANIKA: Nanay, the pizza at school costs Php 60! Kulang pa yung 50 pesos ko talaga eh.

Hanep.

There was one time naman (walang connection sa allowance), Anika asked if she can talk to me seriously. She led me to our bedroom. This is where we do our serious talks.

Kinabahan ako. Shit. Baka sabihin may boypren na siya.

ANIKA: Nanay, is the building behind the statue of Rizal yours?

ME: Yes. We built it. (She means the Torre De Manila)

ANIKA: My teacher says to tell you to take it down.

She looked so serious with matching batting pa of eyelashes that I was torn between laughing and writing a note to her teacher right then and there.

Kaloka. Get the facts straight kasi muna. Pati yung mga bata tuloy nabre-brainwash.

Sidenote: Wag na natin pagtalunan yang Torre De Manila dito ha? Wala akong time.

Lastly, eto nagulat ako kay Anika. Out of the blue, she said..

“Nanay, my classmate said her parents are not married yet. It’s a sin to be living together when you’re not married yet, right?”

ME: Right.

ANIKA: Why are they living together?

ME: I’m not sure anak. Baka nagtitipid sila, gusto nila magshare ng bayad sa house.

Sorry, I was caught off guard! Plus the fact that I am not prepared to discuss that with her yet!

Don’t worry naman, when I feel that it’s the right time, ako na mismo ang mag-oopen up niyan sa kanya. Mabuti na sa akin galing kaysa kung kani-kanino pa niya matutunan yun. Right?

Lemme end this blog entry with a joke time with Alvin, Anika and me.

ALVIN: Ano tawag dito? (pointing to his knee)

ME: Tuhod.

ALVIN: Mali. One-hud! Isa lang eh!

Kill me with corny-ness!

ME: Anong kotse ang mahilig mag-magic?

ALVIN: Ano?

ME: Eh di… “chedeng!!!!”

Hahahahaha!

ANIKA: Anong food ang mabilis?

ALVIN and ME: Ano?

ANIKA: Eh di, so-pas!!!!

Hahahahahahaha! May baong joke ang bagets!

Osha matulog na nga tayo. Antok lang itong ka-corny-han ko!

Have a great weekend guys!

For Wowa’s 65th birthday this year, she treated us to a two night weekend getaway in Clark. I googled and found the Green Canyon Eco Art Resort. Looks promising so we went.

We all met up at a fastfood restaurant in one of the gasoline stations at NLEX. In fairness, complete kami. The working peeps took a leave of work yesterday.

On the way to the resort, we passed by this huge bridge and I had to go down and made Alvin take my photos.

We arrived at Green Canyon resort. It’s a private resort where security is quite strict. Magaling.

The resort is quite fascinating because the lobby is also a museum. Maganda. The pieces made by Niccolo Jose are displayed there.

We arrived at the hotel at around 10am (I insisted to be out of EDSA na dapat by 7am kasi hell ang traffic given that it was a Friday work day). We weren’t allowed early check in (despite not seeing any guests) so we just unloaded all our luggage and stuff at the lobby and went out to go to Puregold and to have lunch.

We had lunch at Binulo Restaurant. Here are the food we ordered.

Lato salad which is my favorite when eating here.

Kapangpangan sisig

Rice cooked in kawayan. Binalik nga lang namin because hilaw siya.

Binukadkad na Tilapia with buro. It was the first time I ate buro and I really liked it.

Crispy pata

We went back to the hotel at around 2pm. I like our room.

There were 6 single beds and 1 bunk bed. The bathroom was huge with two sinks and a separate toilet and bath. We got the room for around Php 12k a night. Sulit siya given 10 pax kami lahat.

Everybody slept when we arrived. Anika and I woke up after an hour and explored the grounds. I shall post the other photos that I took of the resort after this. Lahat ito halos galing sa iPhone ko lang eh.

Walking distance the Palette, which is their restaurant. Okay naman their food. Medyo pricey pero expected kasi shala ang resort.

The resort has two pools. One is the Symphony pool which is beside the restaurant.

Ganda ng view kasi mountains ang likod.

The other pool is a wave pool which is located at the other side of the resort accessible via this hanging bridge.

It was scary. I wasn’t expecting it pero Anika and I managed to pass it back and forth.

After a while after they have all woken up, we met up with Niccolo Jose which turned out to be Fonz’s schoolmate in High School. Galing! He toured us to his museum.

The wood pala used in the pillars outside the lobby are all 300 years old. And those paver tiles in the photo above, they bought it in a sugar plant in Bacolod for 5 pesos per block. They had it cleaned for 7 pesos per block. Ngayon mahal na isa niyan. Astig.

He told us about how their family bought the land and developed it. They were the ones who planted the trees. Out of the 300 trees they planted, namatay yung 200. Ang sad. Pero they continued planting so around after 10 years of acquiring the land, they opened this resort.

Niccolo Jose is a talented wood worker, sculpture and painter. I saw his works and I loved it! Ang gaganda talaga. Bawal nga lang to take photos inside the museum kasi yung ibang sculptures dun commissioned na. He has a lot of celebrity clients too. Magaling nga. I wanted to buy some kaso I have yet to sell one of my kidneys. Charot. Hahaha! For the meantime, eto nagpapicture na kami kasi sikat si Tito Niccolo!

One of the things I like about Green Canyon Eco Art Resort is that you are literally surrounded by nature.

Another thing I love here is that the wifi signal is strong. May wifi everywhere the resort. May cellular signal also sa bundok. San ka pa? =)

We had dinner at Grill Seoul. Masarap dun. I recommend it if you’re here in Clark. Paki google na lang.

The next day, we woke up at 5am to go hiking at 530 am. Nung una kami kami lang. Eh nainggit si Wowa and si Toots so full cast ang hiking.

It was supposed to be a 45 minute hike up to the peak pero mahirap ang trail for a group with a senior citizen, a 4 month old baby, a reklamador 7 year old and for someone who has metal na in his ankle (Toots). We self declared our own peak after 20 minutes. Paano ganito ang dialogue:

WOWA to the guide: Ilang minutes na lang sa taas?

GUIDE: 20 minutes po.

WOWA: Ilang minutes pa hanggang sa taas?

GUIDE: 20 minutes po.

WOWA: Kanina pa yang 20 minutes na yan eh!

ME: Eh kakatanong mo lang talaga tapos hindi naman tayo umuusad!

Hahahaha!

TOOTS: Okay! We have reached the peak! We have reached OUR PEAK!

Kaloka!!!

It was fun though.

We did a pictorial na lang on the way down.

Anika’s crying there because we saw a sign that said “Beware of snakes.” Tapos tinakot ni Toots si Anika kunwari may kumagat sa legs niya! Hahahaha!

We had a hearty breakfast at the restaurant after. We had tocino, bangus belly, longganisa, eggs, corned beef and garlic rice. Masarap.

We went swimming afterwards.

Buti na lang kasama si Faye and Fonz. Meron akong mga matitinong shots na hindi sariling sikap. Love it. I shall sponsor them lagi sa trips para sure kasama sila. Ang hirap kasi magpapicture kay Sobrero, men! Pahirapan um-angle! Lelz.

Osha, papa-ahunin ko na tong si Anika sa pool so we can have dinner =)

There’s a part 2 pa of this post ha? Wait for it =)

Enjoy the weekend!

Top: MANGO; Skirt: DIVISORIA; Shoes: CMG

The other night when I got home, Anika showed me her school diary. Her Science teacher had a note for me.

“Please study harder for Science PT (periodical test). Anika failed all her MTs (mastery tests) and short quizzes.”

The fuzz.

I checked all of Anika’s test papers. Why wasn’t I aware of this?! I check all her test results all the time. I checked them all again that night. Paano magfe-fail eh 20/30 grades niya? Yung lowest is 19/30.

I checked with my CSA parent amigas.

70% daw ang passing score pala sa Colegio San Agustin.

Anak ng pating yan.

What happened to 50%?! Well sa DLSU dati, 60% ang passing grade, pero 70%?! Grade 2?!

The fuzz again.

It’s enough that ang advance na ng lessons nila, tinaasan pa ang passing score. I don’t remember studying natural and artificial light sources in Grade 2. Lalo na the renewable and non renewable resources! Di ba?!

I admit at first I was upset. I know I shouldn’t but I felt really guilty. I blamed myself. Hindi ko kasi matutukan turuan si Anika because of my condition now so we got her a tutor. Dati nagsusupplement pa ako sa kanya ng turo pero now, puros tutor na lang talaga.

Janis was there when I got home and saw all the brouhaha. I could feel that she was watching me.

JANIS: Nag-aanxiety na naman tong si Nana.

She was right.

I walked to the kitchen to get myself a glass of water. Nakasalubong ko si Alvin. Niyakap ako.

ALVIN: Okay lang yan.

ME (whispering to him so Anika couldn’t hear): She’s fucking failing in Science. She’s only in Grade 2. Kasalanan ko to lahat. It’s not okay.

ALVIN: It’s okay. Hindi mo kasalanan yan. Wag mo istress sarili mo. Di ba napagusapan na natin na hindi na tayo dapat magsestress sa ganito?

He was  right. Napagusapan na nga pala namin that we will not exert pressure sa studies ni Anika. Iba na ang mga bata ngayon. Iba when we were growing up. Alvin and I agreed that as long as we see her studying and doing her best, we will not expect much on her grades (as long as she won’t fail sa report card ha?). Iba talaga yun.

We analyzed kasi eh. We realized ang dami naming successful and financially stable friends who didn’t excel in school dati. They are also happy in what they are doing. Ang nakita namin common among these friends of ours are (1) maganda yung family support group nila and (2) magaling sila dumiskarte. They are also very resilient. Meaning, pursigidong tao. Alvin and I decided to focus on that. Yan yung ipupush namin kay Anika. We want her to excel in her own terms and not bounded by grades. Nagaanxiety lang ako because I know grades pa din ang basehan in acceptance sa college. Tinitingnan pa din ang university and grades ng mga companies when they hire people.

It will be a great balancing act. Balance between not pressuring Anika vs. wag siyang magpabaya sa studies.

Hindi ako actually nakuntento diyan sa analysis na yan. I turned again to my CSA parent amigas and nag-unload ako dun. You what pacified me? I have two amigas who have grown up kids na. They said high grades really do not matter in Grade 2. Okay daw mga anak nila in college despite not having high grades nung grade school. Importante daw na masaya sila in what they are doing. And we shouldn’t stress them too much. Anxiety disorders affect 25.1% of children between 13 and 18 years old (from aada.org). At dahil meron akong anxiety disorder, my children will most likely to have anxiety 6 times more compared to kids whose parents do not have this illness. Ayaw kong magkaron ng ganun si Anika kaya sige fine.

I also talked to Anika’s tutor and ask him if he thinks Anika will have a failing grade in her report card if she still fails her periodical tests. Hindi daw. Public school teacher kasi siya. He said hind lang naman grades ang pure basis of the over all school. There are the performance tasks, recitation, etc etc.

Whew.

I felt so much better.

Don’t get us wrong ha? We shall still strive for excellence. No pressure nga lang. The pressure will not be worth it. Mental health is still very important. I am not saying all these kasi mababa grades ni Anika. Baka kasi parang bitter ang dating sa iba. You should know that Anika’s grades in her other subjects are above average. Ito lang talagang Science, favorite subject pa naman niya. But still, ganun pa din diskarte namin ni Alvin. No pressure.

I like also the idea of Anika being good at other extra-curricular activities. Apart from the reading lessons she will have at (maybe) Kumon, she’s choosing if she will have singing, dancing or gymnastics lessons this summer. Well rounded ang peg.

Push.

Your thoughts, muthers?

I like to think that one of my life purposes (apart from ientertain kayo through this blog) is to share my nice finds.

Check out this ADORN (@adorn_ph in Instagram) top. It was sent to me so I can try it out so I wore it during Baby Ellie’s birthday party last week.

Top: ADORN_PH; Jeans: AMERICAN EAGLE OUTFITTERS; Shoes: ALDO; Bag: BALENCIAGA; Sunglasses: RAYBAN

It fits so nice. I noticed na pwede ito sa buntis because of the garter design sa harap. ADORN_PH also has tops which are nursing friendly. Bakit ba wala pang mga ganito ganito nung buntis ako kay Anika 8 years ago!

Anyway, yesterday, I asked in my IG what topics you’d want me to write about. One of my dear blog readers commented na magsulat daw ako about how I juggle everything at the same time.

Sige, I shall share about that now. Tamang tama because after having this anxiety condition, nagbago ng slight ang outlook ko in life therefore affecting how I think, manage and attack my day to day activities. But first, lemme show you how my typical day goes nowadays.

4:50 am – I wake up and drink a glass of water. I go to Anika’s room and wake her up. I am very consistent with this. Ako ang gumigising kay Anika every single day when she has school. When she’s awake na, we will embrace for like a minute or two on the bed. While doing that, I marvel on the feeling of having a daughter. Ninanamnam ko yung moment na yun, holding her every single day. And then I bring her to the bathroom tapos she will take a bath on her own.

If it’s a day na morning exercise day ko, I will change na into gym clothes. I will check ano baon ni Anika. I no longer make her baon since I had this anxiety condition. I don’t know why. Si yaya na lang ni Anika ang gumagawa and I just check. Hopefully next school year okay na ako ulit. Then I will kiss Anika. Then I will go to the sleeping Alvin and wake him up tapos ieembrace ko din siya. Then I go to my office to exercise before I start my day.

Pero if it’s a normal day, while Anika is taking a bath, I will go to our altar and read the bible verses that my dad told me to read daily. Tamang tama, when I’m done, Anika’s done in the bathroom too and I make ligo na.

After getting ready (Anika eats breakfast while her yaya does her hair), I bring her to school. School bus naman siya if I don’t bring her. We talk on the way to school or we do car-reoke. Haha! Mahilig kami ni Anika magkwentuhan and kumanta. When we arrive in school, we pass by the chapel for a short time, mga 3-5 minutes so she can pray. And then sasamahan ko siya sa school until papasukin na sila sa gates to their classrooms. I watch her until she disappears from my view going to her classroom.

After that, I either go to the Magallanes church or to Santuario de San Antonio church to pray. One thing that this anxiety disorder has made me is to be (a lot) more prayerful. After praying, I buy breakfast then go to the office.

I usually arrive before 730 am sa office or sa project site so I do my hair and make up sa car.

8:00 am – I start my work day.

12 noon – If feel ko, I blog.

6:00 pm – I go boxing. If I don’t go boxing, I either meet up with Pineda (which sadly hindi ganun ka-often, mga once every 2 weeks) or I go home na after I pass by the Adoration chapel. Minsan naloloka din ako kasi hindi naman ako ganito na pala-dasal dati. Pero I find comfort and relief pagnasa simbahan ako eh. It’s my time to reflect and meditate.

8:00 pm – I arrive home. Tapos na si Anika magtutor by this time so I have dinner na with them. After dinner, we’d watch TV together. Minsan may kanya kanyang gawa pero nasa same area lang kami usually sa house.

Sometimes, like once or twice a week, Janis, Mark and Alfred (Alvin’s bff) come over and stay until 11pm.

9 to 9:30 pm – I go with Anika when she washes up for bedtime. I tuck her to bed. I do this everyday. As much as possible, may chikahan kami before she sleeps. I ask how her day was. Nagkukuwentuhan lang kami until antukin siya.

When she’s sleeping, if we do not have our friends over, I either blog or watch TV with Alvin. If Alvin’s doing something else like nagmomoment siya sa lanai with his beer and guitar, nag-bablog ako. If he’s watching TV, tatabihan ko if I like what he’s watching.

Around 10:30 or 11 pm, Alvin and I go to bed na. Minsan nagkukwentuhan kami before sleeping pero sometimes we just fall asleep na. Pero I cannot sleep without like hugging his arm or something. Kailangan nakadikit ako sa kanya.

There.

Oh wait, I forgot to mention that nowadays, Alvin calls me everyday on his way to his office. Yun naman yung time namin magkwentuhan. Minsan short lang, minsan naman matagal na usap.

So there. I wanted you to see how my normal day goes so I can give you my tips how I balance everything.

TIP #1: You need help. Hindi mo kakayanin magisa everything. You need a trustworthy and efficient na kasambahay. I trained mine well so automatic na ang lahat sa house. Cooking, laba, household chores, alam na nila paano and kelan gagawin. Next, you need a tutor. Alvin and I decided to get Anika a tutor to lessen the stress. Pero kanya kanyang trip naman yan. If you want to be the one to teach your kids, gorabelles. Ako kasi hindi ko na kaya because even if I don’t go boxing after work, I am mentally exhausted already at the end of the day and that is not masama. We are human beings and napapagod din. Checking na lang ako kay Anika and pa-review review ng konti. Next, Alvin helps me. He fills in sa mga to do the bahay so hindi lahat ako. Minsan wala na pa lang ulam, he buys konti then ako na bibili the next day ng bongga. Lastly, I have an incredible staff at work. I was also able to train them well (for me ha but it’s a continuous process kasi always may room for improvement). We, as a group, are able to deliver ng maayos because they know what to do and what are expected of them.

TIP #2: I have so many to-do lists. My to-do list ako for work, for the house, for the blog, for the shopping and for the things I need to think about.

TIP #3: Prioritize. Isama mo na din yan sa mga listahang gagawin mo. Ang priority ko is si Anika and Alvin. If they need me, I drop work or I don’t exercise or I don’t see my friends or I don’t blog. Sabi nga nila diba, you can only able to do 3 out of these 5 things: work, family, friends, exercise and sleep. Sa awa naman ng Diyos, I am able to do all because I prioritize. Family comes first in everything. The rest will follow. Like sa friends, you do not need to be with them everyday. Set time for them. Kaya I am grateful ang konti lang ng kaibigan ko eh. Konti lang sila pero mga totoo naman. I am also grateful that we live near each other so madali magmeet up even if once a week lang. And ayun pala, ginagawan ko ng paraan everything. Like for friends, I tell them to bring their kids in our house para we can spend time. Exercise, hindi kailangan sa gym. If I don’t have time to go to the gym or boxing, I do leg raises and sit ups while watching TV. If gusto, may paraan. If ayaw, madaming dahilan. Tandaan niyo yan.

TIP #5: DO NOT STRESS OVER EVERYTHING.  Before I told you na lahat ng ito ay nagagawa ko pero nakakasira ng bait. Pre-anxiety disorder, hardcore ako. I didn’t allow myself to leave room for mistakes. Gusto ko accomplished ko lahat well. I didn’t settle. I expected so much from myself and I beat myself up if I couldn’t keep up with my expectations. Taranta ako everyday kasi I wanated to accomplish everything. Dapat ako nagtututor kay Anika. Dapat todo exercise para sexy. Dapat maganda ang design lagi ng baon ni Anika. Dapat hindi nawawalan ng grocery sa bahay. Dapat walang mali sa work. Dapat mapuntahan ko lahat ng project sites. Dapat may spend time kaming tatlo nina Anika and Alvin sa labas. Dapat si Anika dalhin sa dance lessons, gymnastics lessons and kung ano ano pa. In short, nagpakaloka loka ako thinking ako ang reincarnation ni Darna. Ayan, na-trigger ang anxiety disorder ko. My anxiety disorder may have stemmed from my childhood days pero ang ka-toxican ko now and the way I think, triggered it again.

TIP #6: Accept to let go of some things like facials, manicure pedicure, shopping and waxing. Wag niyo na din istress yan. Isingit niyo na lang if may time.

TIP #7: Lastly, mga bakla, do not compare yourselves to other moms. Yes they may look like they have everything under control: perfect homes, yung nails nila perfect, fresh sila lagi, yung grades ng mga anak nila ang tataas and mukhang ang saya saya nila sa life. Don’t compare. Magaling lang ang mga yan magdala. That or they have plenty of help too. Di ba nga, all moms are the same. Lahat tayo nahihirapan. May mga moms lang na magaling magproject and magdala and I commend them for that. So don’t feel bad if you come across these kind of moms. Wag lang sila mang-mamata bakit mukhang ilang araw ka na hindi naliligo, ibang usapan na yan. Pero believe me, based on experience and with my chikas with other moms, lahat tayo struggling.

Ayun, I hope I was able to help you somehow. I am not saying it is easy doing everything. To you, I may seem to be doing and accomplishing a lot of things: good career, maayos si Anika, maayos ang bahay, nakaka-pagexercise, may mga friends… but like you, I struggle. I have plenty of help and I prioritize kaya nakakaya ko somehow. Pero madami akong mistakes. Ask Alvin or ask my friends about it. Although I post some of my engot moments in social media, madami pa na ganun ang nangyayari na hindi ko na naku-kwento. No mom is perfect but walang pwedeng magsabi na hindi ka mabuting Nanay.

Remember that!

Top: DIVISORIA; Pants: LEVI’S; Shoes: NINE WEST; Bag: LOUIE VUITTON

It’s 430am and I am up already. F*cking chickens.

Anyway, Alvin, Anika and I did Bisita Iglesia yesterday. We went to the UST church, Malate church, San Agustin church and Manila Cathedral. Napakadaming tao. Anika was not feeling well nung nasa Manila Cathedral kami so we went home na were unable to finish the Bisita Iglesia. It’s okay. God understands naman siguro. Anika has sinat when we got home. I felt her this morning and she’s still a little hot. 37.6 degree celcius ang temperature. Pero masigla naman. She doesn’t feel sick daw. She just finished a round of antibiotics two weeks ago tapos may sinat na naman ngayon. No sipon. No phlegm. Fuzz.

Ito mahirap with kids nowadays eh. Hindi kasi nadudumihan because they are always inside the houses with their gadgets. Nung panahon ko, dugyot kami. We were playing in the streets. Pinagpapawisan. Nadudumihan. Nakakagat ng aso. Lelz.

Speaking of kids, out of topic na ito ha, would you agree that parents should be conscious in what they do or say to the kids kasi kids never forget?

Alvin and I laugh about this sometimes. Based on our own experiences nung mga bata pa kami, true nga. We would tease our parents about something that they did to us but they would always deny it. Hindi nila maalala na ginawa nila. So funny yung mga kwento ng kurot sa singit and tuktok ng tabo sa ulo. Though it made me more conscious now with Anika. As a child, I never forgot everything: every word said to me, every incident that happened, how I was treated, what were said to me during the times when I was happy, sad, anxious and terrifed, how I they made me feel and the learnings they told me.

I brought this up because there was these two incidents that happened before I couldn’t forget. Anika was around 4 years old siguro and we were walking in BGC going to the car. I was pushing Anika in her stroller while Alvin walked beside me. We saw a crying boy, about 6 years old siguro, with (I think) his father standing by the curb. While we were about to reach them I saw the man smack hard the boy’s head. Pinapatigil umiyak. Sa sobrang gulat ko, napatigil ako lumakad. Awang awa ako sa bata because he was making pigil his cry. The man saw me looking at them tapos sabi sa akin, “Ano?!”. There were a thousand of bad words I wanted to shout back at him. Alvin got me by my elbow and made me walk away. Tiningnan ko ng masama si Alvin. Later, I understood. Kung pinatulan ko yung gagong yun, seeing kung gaano ka-sama ugali niya, he will make me bastos. And if that happens, Alvin might have hurt him pretty bad. In front of Anika. So tama lang he made me walk away. Pero sira ulo talaga yung lalaking yun. Batay Bata should have been there.

The second incident was just recently, a few Sundays ako. Magsisimba kami. We were getting out of the car and another car was parking beside us. The car was trying to park patalikod. A girl teenager, around 15 years old siguro, went out of the car and went sa likod while the mom maneuvered the car to the slot. Nahirapan yung nanay ata. She shouted to her daughter, “Sabihin mo sa akin kung tatama na ako! Wag kang parang gago diyan nakatayo lang!”. God, I was shocked. I pitied the girl. I wanted to smack the mom na gigil ko. How can you talk to your daughter like that?! Punyeta, nanggigigil ako ngayon just thinking about it.

I am sure these kids will never forget those incidents. Ako nga na hindi ko sila ka-ano ano, hindi ko makalimutan eh, sila pa kaya. I hope the parents made up with them. Kawawa.

That is why I said I am more conscious with Anika now. Pagmay concern siya, I try my best to stop whatever it is I’m doing and sit down with her. Sana when she grows up, wala siyang bad memories na ganun with me or with Alvin.

Let’s try our best, shall we? =)

Inner top: FOREVER 21; Checkered polo: MANGO; Shorts: LEVI’S; Cap: FOREVER 21; Sunglasses: RAY BAN; Sandals: BIRKENSTOCK

Lolo Papa messaged me the other day. He was asking if I can go to Amsterdam this June because my female cousin from the States will be passing by Amsterdam on her way back home from Italy. Papa was asking if I can go and help him take my cousin around Holland and the same time it will be a good opportunity for me to have a short vacation. 10 days lang, okay na. Actually before this, nung kasagsagan ng condition ko, Papa told me to come to Amsterdam so I can recuperate. I had second thoughts kasi I felt that I can’t travel without Alvin and Anika.

I am having second thoughts pa din naman for June. I’m scared to travel alone. Baka magka-anxiety attack ako sa plane or when I’m in Amsterdam. If I were to go, I want at least man lang Alvin to go with me. However, hindi keri ng current budget kaming tatlo. Not sa airfare lang but also the pocket money. Ayokong magtravel with Anika na tipid. Siyempre when we’re there, mag Paris Disneyland na yan tska may Warner Brothers Studio sa Germany. Sayang the trip kasi if we all go there tapos we just stay in Amsterdam. Hindi sulit. Malaki laki ding budget ang kailangan if kaming tatlo ang lalarga. Whereas if si Alvin lang kasama ko, pwede kami chill lang in Amsterdam for 10 days. Kaso as if naman magpapaiwan yan si Anika dito sa Manila. Besides, nakaka-guilty for Alvin and I to both go without her.

Bakit kako tight ang budget ngayon? The additional money we shelled out for the renovation of our current house is medyo malaki. Simple lang naman talaga dapat kasi yung renovations, eh di ba nga sa ka-artehan ko, nagover kami sa budget. Hindi naman ako nagsisisi. Titigan ko lang yung bookshelves ko, nawawala ang panghihinayang sa gastos. Lelz. Also, we are having our old house renovated too kasi we are planning to sell it. Hindi naman kami zero pero alam niyo naman ang pagka-sigurista nitong ni Sombrero. Hindi yan nagbabakasyon ng marangya not unless super extra talaga ang gagamiting moolah for the trip expenses. Kailangan laging may naka-tabi lalo na bayaran na naman ng tuition, you guyssss! Wooohooo! Hahahaha!

Anyway, swerte din ako ganyan magisip asawa ko. Financially advantageous sa amin ang opposites attract. Kung ako lang kasi basta may pera, go! Life is too short not to be enjoyed. Kaso ma-la-life is too short naman daw si Alvin sa stress if gastos lang ng gastos without ipon.

May point.

When I told Alvin about Papa’s message, he encouraged me to go. Walang problema if ako lang daw muna ang pumunta kay Papa. I expressed my hesitations and fear. Natahimik lolo niyo. He’s seen me during the attacks. He told me to talk to my therapist about this trip. I didn’t tell Alvin but my therapist was actually telling me to have a vacation outside the country ng matagal. He told me this dati pa. Sinabi ko lang noon that I can’t take a leave off work ng months. So malamang, the therapist will tell me to go. Alvin’s still convincing me now. Sabi ko lang malay namin, mabenta yung bahay this month. If that happens, automatic kasama na sila ni Anika. But that is suntok pa sa buwan because hindi pa tapos yung improvements na ginagawa and gagawin pa dun sa lumang house. 90% chance na ako lang ang pupunta sa June and hindi kasama yung mag-ama ko. I’m scared of that thought because ang clingy ko sa kanila nowadays. Hindi ako sure if I want to go.

Hindi ako sure pero I googled na the weather in the dates that I’ll be in Amsterdam. Pa-summer na yun eh! Hindi ako sure na gusto ko umalis pero last night, I was scanning my closet already for the clothes that I will bring. May apprehensions ako with traveling alone pero I messaged na my amigas in Amsterdam na abangan na ako there! I told Papa hindi ko pa alam pero I messaged him if magpa-Paris ba kami. He replied with yes, we can go to Paris or Madrid or Rome or London. Emergerd. Nagpapalpitate na ako ngayon. I don’t know if dahil sa takot magtravel or dahil sobra akong excited!

Ang loka loka ko grabe.

Anyway, there’s the application of visa pa. There’s still a chance the embassy will not approve so I won’t get my hopes up masyado. Mahirap na madisappoint.

I need to push na talaga selling my preloved clothes. Gagamitin ko ang proceeds for my Amsterdam trip pocket money. Kasasabi lang na wag muna magexpect eh! Grrrrrr! Hahahaha! Di bale, at least pagnagbenta na ako, push or not ang Amsterdam, at least may extra money. I wasn’t able to take photos and post the clothes online kasi Anika got sick nung bakasyon.

So there. Yan ang chika for the day. I will be applying for a Shengen visa after this week. I’m currently cramming for Anika’s small birthday party. Wala pa siyang Jojo Siwa na damit! Anyway after her birthday, gorabelles na ako sa visa application. Albeit positive thinking tayo forever, I should practice the no expectations part. Iba din kasi ako pagnag-expect eh so relax relax lang.

Osha, my classes are going to start na in a while. Stay tuned!

Good morning everyone!

Top: MYKA LIMCHOC; Pants: UNIQLO; Shoes: TORY BURCH

Alvin has this Youtube channel where he uploads their “gigs”. Itong mga “gigs” na ito are his and our friends’ acoustic sessions at home. Magaling kasi si Alvin mag-gitara so our other friends volunteer to be the singers. When they come over and have those sessions, they record it and post them online. Alvin collected them kaya siya gumawa ng Youtube channel. Saka ko na ipagkakalat yung Youtube channel niya pagnag-upload na siya ng video naming dalawa dun hahaha!

Anyway, last Sunday morning we were bored at home. Anika wasn’t feeling well so hindi pa kami nagsimba ng umaga. We were waiting for lunch time so we can go to Alvin’s house for their family’s Easter get-together. At dahil bored kami, we decided to do an acoustic version of Linger with Alvin in the guitars and me on the microphone. We video’ed ourselves and I posted it in the Mommy Fleur FB page.

Kapal nga ng fez ko kasi walang practice practice yun eh! Hahahaha!

At first kasi, Alvin was just playing his guitar and I was just singing along. Tapos nilabas na ni Alvin yung amplifier niya and the microphone. I pulled our bar stools dun sa living room namin so we can sit on it.

ALVIN: I-vivideo na ba?

ME: Hindi ha! Ngayon lang natin to gagawin. Wala tayong practice.

So I sang ng mga two rounds.

ME: Abby, paki video nga kami.

ALVIN: Akala ko ba hindi ivivideo?

ME: Video lang. Hindi ko iuupload. Gusto ko makita and marinig how we sing. Teka magba-bra lang ako.

Naka-pangtulog pa talaga kasi ako eh. I changed also my shorts. I passed by the mirror, ang pangit ko. Bagong gising. I put on kilay and konting lipstick. Para maganda naman sa video di ba?

Paglabas ko ng kwarto, aba, naka-pants na si Alvin! Naka-cap pa. And naka-shades pa!

Upon seeing me,

ALVIN: Hindi pala ipopost ha? Bakit ka naka-make up?!

ME: Ikaw nga naka-pantalon pa eh. Bakit ka naka-shades sa loob ng bahay?!

ALVIN: Gusto ko, bakit ba.

Hindi pala iuupload pero naka-kilay ako tapos naka-porma ang Alvin. Hahahahaha!

Wala. Dahil low EQ ako, I posted the video we recorded on our third try.

Here it is!

Medyo nagsisisi ako now I posted that. Hahahaha! Kelan nga ba naging nasa una ang pagsisisi di ba? My voice was flat. Boses lata nga daw eh. Sabi ko, ikabit niyo kasi sa magandang speaker yung phone niyo para maganda tunog ng boses ko! Hindi pa din daw. Bwiset! Hahahaha! I was nervous while singing noh. Nakaka-conscious pala.

Alvin and I were laughing about it because three times sumuka si Anika while I was singing. I told her, “Grabe anak, ganyan ba ka-lala yung boses ko? Nasuka ka!”. Yeah, she threw up kasi madami siyang phlegm =( At least nalalabas niya.

Anyway, an hour after I posted the video,

ALVIN: O, may nagcomment na ba sa video mo?

ME: Meron.

ALVIN: Anong sabi?

ME: Ang payat ko daw.

Tawa ng tawa ang Alvin, leche na yan.

After four hours…

ALVIN: O, may nagcomment na ba ulit?

ME: Meron.

ALVIN: Anong sabi?

ME: Happy Easter daw.

Grabe. Hagalpak sa tawa si Alvin!

Bahala kayo. I shall practice a lot. Magkakaron ako ng comeback video! Abangan niyo yan!

Or not.

Hahahahaha!

Have a great day!

Top: KAMISETA; Pants: UNIQLO; Shoes: KEDS

When we were having dinner yesterday (we eat with our kasambahays),

ALVIN (referring to our kasambahays): Aalis na yan.

I panicked. Akala ko yung all around namin yung aalis. I will die if she leaves. She’s the most efficient person in the house and I have trained her well. Buti na lang, yung “yaya” ni Anika daw yung aalis again. Yeah. She left na last year but went back kasi she got bored in the province. Ngayon, aalis na naman daw. Secretly, I am wishing that if she’ll leave, for good na. We actually only maintain her para lang may kalaro si Anika. Mabait sana kaso patola din kay Anika eh. They fight all the time. Also, hindi siya masyado nasusulit sa house because our all around is the one who does almost all of the house work. We can make do without the “yaya”. Anika definitely doesn’t need a yaya anymore. Para din matuto si Anika to look after and fix her things. Ang donya ng batang yan eh. Hindi marunong magpack and mag-attend to her stuff.

Anyway, after Alvin and Anika left the table, nagkwentuhan kaming 3. Lyn, our all around wonder woman, made kwento.

LYN: Ate, si Anika may Oppa na.

ME: Anong Oppa?!

LYN: Narinig ko nagkukwentuhan sila ni ____ (name of her girl playmate). Sabi ni girl, crush daw si Anika nung batang lalaki sa tapat ng bahay.

ME: Anong sabi ni Anika?

LYN: Hindi ko lang narinig. Pinaguusapan din nila yung isang bata dun sa kabilang bahay. Crush din daw si Anika.

ME: As in sila lang naguusap?

LYN: Oo Ate. Sinita ko nga eh. Sabi ko hoy anong crush crush yan? Sabi ni Anika, gumawa ng imaginary line sa gitna namin. Hanggang dun lang daw yung usapan sa kanila. Hindi daw ako kasali.

ME: Ano sabi mo?

LYN: Sabi ko ganun ba? Eh di gumawa din ako ng imaginary line sa pagitan namin dalawa. Sabi ko yun lang ang kasali sa usapan mamya sa kainan pagkasama na Tatay niya.

ME: Ano sabi ni Anika?

LYN: Wala po. Lumapit sa akin tapos niyakap ako. Wag daw.

Emergerd. It’s too early for this!

That night, while Anika and I were watching TV, I saw it as an opportunity to open this up with her. I started with asking how was her day. Tapos hindi ko na matiis.

ME: Anika, may Oppa ka na daw?

ANIKA: No.

ME: Do you have anything to make kwento to me about it.

ANIKA: NO!!!

ME: Ate Lyn said something about that boy from the house in front of us.

ANIKA: It’s nothing.

ME: We promised that we will not have secrets from each other di ba?

Anika started crying.

ME: O, bakit ka umiiyak?

ANIKA: I don’t want to talk about it.

ME: Why don’t you want to talk about it with me pero you talk about it with your girl friends?

ANIKA: You will get mad.

ME: No, I won’t get mad. I will get more mad if I hear it from somebody else.

Emergerd. I sounded like Wowa.

ANIKA: They said that that boy has a crush on me. But I don’t even like him.

ME: That’s okay Anika. You can tell me things like that. I will not get mad. Are you doing something wrong?

ANIKA: No.

ME: See? Why should I get mad? And di ba I told you we can talk about everything?

ANIKA: Yes.

Tapos ayun na nagkwento na siya. Nakinig ako. Nakitawa ako.

ME: O see? Masaya if we can talk about it di ba? Don’t keep things from me just because you will think I will get mad ha? Wag ganun. Maganda if we can talk about anything. I’m also your friend, right?

Nag-yes naman siya.

I know umpisa pa lang ito. Dugay pa, as they say in Bicol. Maaga pa. But I really, really want Anika to feel that she can tell me about these things. Lalo na about boys.

Eto na. Naguumpisa na tayo. Napapa-aga yata.

It’s 10pm and I’m munching on Doritos while eating a tiny slice of the Salted Caramel cheesecake.

I’m supposed to be starting my first day of intermittent fasting tonight. However, it’s a night in the middle of a long weekend and I’m alone. Nakakasad. I don’t want to be sad (and I want to forget about my low EQ regarding the fasting) so let’s make kwentuhan na lang.

Today was a busy day. Here’s what I wore:

Top and Pants: UNIQLO; Sunglasses: FROM JAPAN

We bought prizes for Anika’s birthday party tomorrow at Market! Market!. I wanted to go to Divisoria pero nalalayuan si Alvin. After all the gastos for her birthday last year, small time lang the party tomorrow so everything is last minute. Thank God for Bing, may magba-balloon decor yung Shakey’s restaurant bukas. Kanina ko lang siya inask and I am so happy she found a balloon decorator to do it the last minute.

Anika doesn’t have anything to wear yet so we went to three malls to look for her birthday outfit. It wasn’t easy.

Later in the afternoon, we met up with my family to celebrate Russ’s birthday.

I remembered I haven’t bought Wowa her birthday gift so I got her a pair of cute sandals from Melissa.

Wowa got naman Anika a pair of super duper adorable Melissa shoes too! Ang ganda talaga nung shoes ni Anika. If they had it lang in adult size, I’d get myself one too!

Yeah, those are Anika’s legs and feet. Ang dalaga na tingnan di ba? Huhuhuhu! Ang kunswelo ko na lang from all these fast forwarding time is that Anika’s growing up to be a beautiful, kind and smart girl. I am praying really hard lumaking mabait na bata si Anika. Healthy, happy and mabait. Yun lang.

Like I said earlier, we had dinner at Manam to celebrate Russ’s birthday.

Isabel’s soooooooo cute talaga!

Anyway, I was supposed to look for something to wear for tomorrow’s party kaso I couldn’t concentrate on shopping because Alvin and Anika were waiting for me. Ayoko nagshashop ng may nagbabantay.  Bahala na bukas.

I also ran out of my meds and they were out of stock everywhere!!! Imagine Mercury Drug telling me that all Mercury Drugstores in Makati, wala din daw stock. Alvin and I spent about 20 minutes calling different Mercury Drugstore branches to ask if may stock sila ng meds ko. Kahit hanggang Eastwood, wala. We found a small Mercury Drugstore in Baclaran. Meron daw sila. Dinayo namin. I cannot believe super out of stock ang meds ko. Ganun ka dami ang merong anxiety sa Metro Manila? Kaloka. At least we found a branch that has stock. I can hear Janis’s voice, “Dapat hindi mo inaantay maubos ang gamot mo saka ka bibili! Anong klaseng manager ka if hindi mo mamanage ang stock ng gamot mo.”. Yes. May point. Bwahahahaha! I told you we need friends like Janis.

It was a pretty good day albeit finding myself alone now. Anika’s asleep and Alvin’s out. Buti na lang may Netflix.

Let’s talk about our favorite Netflix shows next time ha? I’ll share mine soon!

Osha, I’m excited for Anika’s birthday tomorrow. For sure 4am pa lang, gising na siguro yun. Lelz.

Enjoy the rest of the long weekend, guys!

Top: WOWA’S SECRET STORE (Php 150 only); Pants: LEVI’S; Shoes: ALDO

Hellooooo girls!

Pasensya na ngayon lang ako nagparamdam. Gosh, I don’t know how to begin to describe ang pagka-busy ko this week. I have to let it out so bear with me, ha?

Anika’s birthday was last Monday. I will blog about that. I crammed preparing for it because well, sabi nila wag daw magstress sa mga bagay bagay so I took it to a whole new level. Nagrelax ako until the last minute. Hahaha! Mukha naman okay kinalabas. Na-iraos ng matiwasay.

And then, we are almost done with the mini MBA that I am taking c/o our company. At dahil diyan, we are required to pass one 6-page case study (done ko na), four 2-page module analysis, one 600-word reflection paper and one individual business case analysis. All are due next Monday. My nose is bleeding from all the English terms that I need to use. How I wish I can write all those papers and reports in my usual bakla way. Chicken sana.

And then there’s the visa requirements that I need to complete and pass by next week. I am smacking my head now why my passport is still in my maiden name. Ang daming extra steps and extra analysis tuloy.

And because when it rains, it storms like signal number three, walastik ang dami ng ginagawa at work. I know I can delegate some of them to my staff, I already did. Pero marami pa din ang natitirang task na ako ang kailangang gumawa. Sabay sabay talaga.

Hindi ako masyadong busy ano? Tragis yan. Nakakataranta.

There is a to-do list inside my to-do list!

And of all days, ngayon ako tinamaan ng pagka-lethargic. Instead of doing everything, nandun ako sa couch, watching movies after movies after movies in Netflix. I’m supposed to be concentrating na pero there are four Amazon windows open in my laptop now. I’m shopping for Jojo Siwa stuff for Anika while Pineda is in the States. Para kako madala niya pauwi. It doesn’t help that it’s sooooo hot! Summer has definitely arrived!

Ang dami kong utang na kwento. I shall do that soon. Oh by the way, did I mention I’m going to Baguio next week to check one of our projects there? #PaanoNaLahatNgGagawinKo

I need a miracle.

Let’s do this! Kaya ko ito! I just wish maraming calories ang nabuburn ng pagiisip. Sexy na sexy na ako niyan talaga for summer.

Gotta go mga baks. I’ll see you back here in a bit, okies? Have a nice weekend.

Tara, I’ll blog about our recent glamping trip before summer ends.

Lol.

My brother-in-law, Paul and his wife, Tin treated us to an overnight glamping to celebrate Gabo’s 8th birthday.

When I first heard of it, okay naman ako. We already went glamping at Nurture Spa Wellness Village last 2015. Alam naman nating lahat na, though girl scout ako from Grade 1 to 4th Year High School, isa akong maarteng nilalang. Ang selan ko sa banyo and mareklamo ako. However, in fairness to me, when the going gets tough, kaya kong sumabay. That’s why I don’t know why Alvin wouldn’t believe me when I tell him I can survive a hard core camping trip in the mountains. Wala daw portalet dun. Eh ano. I can do it naman, wala lang gustong maniwala. Never mind that I feel like peeing every 10 minutes. Keri ko ang pagakyat sa bundok and camping.

Alvin and Anika were so excited for the trip. Nahawa ako. They bought camping stuff. They made checklists after checklists of the things that they needed to bring. The night before we left, akala mo may zombie apocalypse sa dami ng gamit na dadalhin ng mag-ama ko. Hardcore mountain climber ang Alvin before, if you remember. So siya si Scout Master namin and Anika followed him like a super dedicated cub scout. Meanwhile, I was packing all the outfits that I can wear for the OOTD photos. Di baleng walang snacks, basta maganda ang damit sa camping.

A few days before our glamping trip, Paul briefed us where we were going. The name of the glamping site is BLOC CAMP SITE.

I checked out the place. It was so pretty. The campsite was beside a lake. So cool.

And so we went.

I was so amazed when we arrived. The place was indeed beautiful. For our group, they set up 3 tents near the lake. For me, yung pwesto namin yung pinaka-maganda. It had privacy and parang we had all the space all to ourselves.

There was  a tent for honeymooners. The tent was a lot bigger that the ones they gave us. Pwede ka magtumbling sa loob. They had their own porch with hammock and griller.

Our tents had two double airbeds. Four people can sleep in a tent.

Before we were allowed to go to our tents, we were briefed about the house rules of the campsite. Briefing talaga. You are required to sit there and listen. Tama nga naman because of safety. They told us what we can and we cannot do. They asked us if we had questions. When everything was clear na, they helped us bring our things to the tent.

It was very relaxing there. As in chill in the highest level.

So chill both literally and figuratively. Ang lamig!

Pero tiis ganda para lang maganda ang OOTD there.

Mangatog-ngatog ako sa lamig

I’m not kidding guys. It was so cold there! We weren’t expecting it. I wasn’t expecting it. Kita niyo nga pekpek shorts ang suot ko.  I thought it would be super hot so I brought all short shorts with me. Good thing Alvin always nags us to bring jackets wherever we go so kaming 3, we had jackets. The rest of us, waley. Puros summer attire!

Fail ang aking OOTD attempts sana. I thought it would be as hot as it was in a beach. Hindi. I felt we were in Canada in Autumn.

I think it was cold because of the Caliraya Lake. The BLOC Camp Site is located in Cavinti, Laguna. Medyo malayo and mukhang mataas yung place. Man-made lang ang lake.

Alvin and Anika immediately prepared their fishing gadgets.

They weren’t able to catch any fish though. Malamang nilamig din ang mga isda kaya nagsi-alisan.

She dips her legs AFTER I tell her that the water is too cold.

Ellie wanted to have fun too!

When you go glamping at BLOC Camp Site, you can order food from them.

Or you can prepare and cook your own food. Clean as you go nga lang kasi nakakahiya naman magkalat ka there. So be sure to bring garbage bags. They have naman concrete sinks by the toilets where you can wash your pots and pans. Pero wag ka na magluto ng dinuguan dun. Simple campsite food lang, keribelles.

There was a lot of space where the kids can run around. It was a great opportunity for them to put down their iPads and gadgets and just be like, normal kids.

Gabo’s cake is from Cake Lane.

So nice, huh? It’s not expensive ha? That’s the reason why I got them to make Anika’s birthday cake too. Galing.

If it was cold in the afternoon, imagine how cold it was at night. Good thing there was a bonfire. God, we loved the bonfire! Ang sarap yung super lamig na lamig ka then tatambay ka in front of the fire. It was soooo relaxing. We also roasted marshmallows and made smores. Smores are so addicting! Ang sakit lang sa lalamunan ‘coz super tamis, but I love it!

The BLOC Camp Site staff were very helpful. They helped us with all our stuff, bringing them all to our campsite. They also were the ones who made the bonfire. May fee nga lang for additional wood. Naka-2 times replenish siguro kami.

Here’s what the tent looks like inside.

 It was comfortable inside the tent. It wasn’t that cold inside so we slept comfortably.

The next day, we chilled some more. There was really nothing else to do kasi the water was too cold to go swimming. The kids just kept running and running around.

After breakfast, we had our morning nap and then we left na for Manila, recharged.

Overall, the experience was great. It was a different vacation and we all had fun. Magbobonding talaga kayo dun. No TV. May phone signal naman. You will really feel one with nature.

The only thing that I didn’t like was the toilets. Mukha talaga siyang public toilets. Tipong yung inidoro na walang water tank? Ganun. The toilet was like a 1m by 2m space na nandun na yung toilet seat and when you look up, nandun na yung rainshower. No hot water.

Ang hirap for me.

I had to wake up Alvin at around 2am so that he can go with me pee. Malayo din kasi ang lalakarin to the toilets from our tent.

Alvin said I really cannot go with him mamundok. Sa bundok daw, sa hukay ka lang jejebs. Emergerd. What if something bites your pwet while doing it? Mukha nga I will not survive sa hard core camping.

For lunch we went to Aling Taleng’s Halo Halo (since 1933). Food was good and we were able to buy a lot of pasalubongs including kesong puti.

Their halo-halo is masarap nga. There’s something there that I cannot place that makes it different from the halo halo of Chowking and Razon’s. If you happen to pass by Pagsanjan and eat there, let me know ano difference ha? Hindi ako mapakali lelz. Over-all, the restaurant is worth visiting when you’re there. Food’s good =)

That’s it! Please inquire na lang at BLOC Campsite for their rates. I don’t know how much because it was a treat from Paul and Tin =)

Have a lovely summer, beautiful people!

Top: BOUGHT IN JAPAN; Pants: AMERICAN EAGLE OUTFITTERS; Sneakers: CONVERSE; Cap: FOREVER 21; Sunglasses: RAYBAN

Nagtatampo ako kay Alvin today.

He just came home from a biglaang 4 days and 3 nights business trip yesterday. Olats nga because I’m fertile the whole week this week. We even had this conversation last Sunday night.

ME: Babe, may hihingin sana akong favor.

ALVIN: Ano yun?

ME: Fertile kasi ako the whole week starting Monday to Thursday. Pwede ba araw arawin natin nitong linggo baka sakaling mabuntis ako?

ALVIN: Osige. Isang libo.

I swatted him. Leche.

ALVIN: Umaasa ka pa din ba?

ME: Oo naman. I decided that this is the last year na gusto ko magtry ng baby. After this year, ayoko na talaga.

ALVIN: Hindi pwede yun.

I dunno with my husband. Balak niya ata akong ilaban sa oldest woman to give birth sa Guinness Book of Records.

Anyway, so he went home na nga yesterday afternoon. We spent the evening watching two movies on Netflix and then nagyaya na si Anika matulog.

ANIKA: Nanay, I will sleep in my room tonight.

Yeah baby!

I went with her to her room to tuck her to bed. I stayed for a bit until makatulog siya kasi we have our kwentuhan time pa before sleeping. Eh naka-idlip ako. I woke up around 1130 pm. I got up and went to the living room. Wala ang Alvin. I went to our room and lo and behold, tulog na tulog na lolo niyo. Okay sana if yung naka-pwesto siya like yung sa sobrang pagod, nakatulog lang. Alam niyo yun? Hindi eh. Ang sarap ng pwesto niya. Para talagang pinagisipang matulog and nagpa-comfortable pa bago matulog.

Nainis nga ako. I slept in Anika’s room. However, I couldn’t sleep because it was like I did a power nap. Nakatulog na kasi ako ng mga 30 minutes while I was waiting for Anika to sleep. So I was up all night listening sa mga tilaok ng manok. Lekat na mga manok talaga yan. Hating gabi na, tumitilaok pa!

This morning, he woke up while I was getting ready for work. He asked why I didn’t sleep beside him. Sabi ko nagtatampo ako because he didn’t wake me up to transfer to our room to sleep beside him. Sinuyo naman ako kaso yung suyo na hindi naman tumatayo sa kama. Hindi ko nga pansinin.

Actually, it’s not naman about making the baby. Yung feeling ba na ang tagal niyang nawala tapos gusto ko naman to sleep together in our room. Wife echos lang siguro itey and it will pass. For the meantime, bahala siya sa buhay niya. Nagtatampo talaga ako.

Why are husbands so dense, ano?

Like all the past birthdays, Anika’s birthday started with her blowing a cake with just the three of us during breakfast. Naging tradition na namin ito.

If it were up to me, I didn’t want to have a birthday party anymore for Anika. Matanda na siya eh. She turned 8 years old last April 9. Plus the fact I was super tamad to plan. I wanted an out of town vacation na lang sana. But it wasn’t I who was having a birthday so we asked Anika to choose.

Party ba or vacation trip?

Matagal. Anika took time to think about it. It was nice because I saw and heard her weighing the pros and cons. Galing.

In the end, she chose to have a party. It’s summer naman daw anyway and we can go to the beach anytime. Eh yung party daw, once a year lang.

Wais. Very good.

I didn’t have anything new to wear on the day of the party. Hanap ako ng hanap, wala akong makita. I was mentally banging my head kasi bakit ba hindi ako bumili. I was close to being really frustrated when I saw this dress in my closet in the other room.

Dress: CELINE; Sandals: ALDO

Pak na pak.

I bought that dress mga 2 years ago. It was on sale at Celine. The fit was not that nice on me that time because medyo nag-hu-hug yung dress sa body. Kitang kita talaga lahat ng bilbil. I bought it anyway because I told myself, papayat din ako. True enough, after two years, it fits me perfectly!

Kaya wag kayong maniniwala dun sa sinasabi nila na wag bumili if hindi mo naman susuotin. This is a proof that you can buy things wishing it will fit you one day. It was a perfect emergency dress! Hahahahaha!

Anyway, Anika wanted a Jojo Siwa party so we looked for an outfit that Jojo Siwa will wear. The day before the party lang kami naghanap so medyo nastress ako ng slight. Imagine my excitement when I found a shiny shimmering skirt at H&M kids on sale! Php 500 lang! I also found a matching shirt that says GIRL POWER in Cotton On Kids. The rest of her outfit, sa closet na niya galing: the denim vest, pink Chuck Taylor sneakers and her big bow.

For her cookies giveaway, I asked Maggie of The Little Whisk to make ribbons. Have you seen the video of it in my IG feed? Kumikinang yung ribbons! I love it!

Wowa also brought her pang malakasang chocolate chip and oatmeal cookies for the guests. I forgot to take photos of them. I’m so sorry. Hindi ko naeendorse. But the guest loved her cookies. Mabenta.

Eto na, Anika’s cake.

I take our family celebrations as opportunities when I can discover fantastic cake makers. I discovered Cake Lane during Ellie and Gabo’s birthday last March. Tin got her to make their cakes. Nagandahan ako so I inquired.

Lane (the owner) did not disappoint. She’s very easy to talk to. The transaction was very smooth. I was pleasantly surprise kasi ang ganda ng cake. Ang ganda niya talaga. She got my peg to the dot. I felt so relieved. I get anxious kasi whenever I’m trying a new cake maker. Hindi mo sure eh. Unlike when you order from your suki (in my case, Tazzy Cakes), kampante ka kasi subok na. I love that she personally delivered the cake. Magandang first time customer service yun. I will definitely order from her again. I have to mention that her cakes are a lot affordable compared to the other cake makers that I’ve tried. Above average din ang quality so it was very, very sulit.

Anika asked me to put make up on her. She wanted to look like Jojo Siwa because she likes that singer so much. Idol na idol niya. When you go to CSA and see a little girl with a big bow, anak ko yun teh. Jojo Siwa of CSA yan.

I asked Fonz if he can be the official photographer for that day. All these photos are from him.

For your special celebrations, I highly suggest you to hire a photographer. One less iniisip na yun to have photos of the event. It will let you enjoy the party without worrying to take photos. Ang gaganda pa ng kakalabasan ng mga pictures. You can collate them and have them put in a book album.

Wag na kayo maghire ng mahal na photographer if your budget is tight. Kuha na lang kayo ng pa-free lance free lance lang. If you have a friend or a relative that’s into photography, the better. Libre pa. Hahaha! But if you don’t have, give Fonz a call. Message niyo ako for his phone number.

Here are some of the photos that day.

Isabel wore also an adorable big pink bow to match the theme. She’s the cutest baby ever!

Bing was a lifesaver! The night before Anika’s party, I realized walang balloons or kahit anong decor sa event place. I forgot! I didn’t want naman na super bare lang yung party and walang ka-decor decor. Hindi siya children’s party kung ganun. I called Bing to ask her if she knows anybody who can do the balloon decors for the next day and prayed. Buti na lang meron siya. Bing is the owner of Party Godmother Manila. You can contact her if you need anything for your parties. She has excellent party suppliers and she coordinates parties as well.

We asked Anika’s cousin, Gabriel to lead the opening prayer. Ang sweet ng magpinsan na yan.

That’s my face when Alvin says silly things. Haha!

After the party, the emcee asked Anika what was her birthday wish.

ANIKA: I wished for a baby brother. I’ve been wishing for that every year!

Then the emcee asked us what we thought about her wish.

ALVIN: Kung gusto mo ng baby brother, dun ka sa room mo matulog!

Syet. So embarrassing! Lelz.

There you go! Simple lang her party. The prizes were just from that wholesale toy store in Market! Market! The important thing is that we were able to celebrate it the way she wanted. Minsan lang naman kasi maging bata ang mga yan. We want them to grow old with a lot of happy childhood memories.

Happy birthday again, sweetheart! Nanay and Tatay love you soooo much!